Friday 19 July, 2013

WOMEN “to blame” for being raped…!!!????

It's a story so common, it never even made it into the newspapers. A 20-year-old private tutor who was allegedly gang-raped by her fiance and his associates and set on fire in Etawah last week died in hospital around 12.15am on thursday, July 2013. The young woman was battling for life with 90% burn injuries at the Sanjay Gandhi Post Graduate Institute of Medical Sciences at Saifai in Etawah.

The 2012 Delhi gang rape case involves a rape and murder that occurred on 16 December 2012 in Munirka, a neighbourhood located in the southern part of New Delhi, when a 23-year-old female physiotherapy intern was beaten and gang raped in a bus in which she was travelling with her male companion. There were only six others in the bus, including the driver, all of whom raped the woman. The woman died from her injuries thirteen days later while undergoing emergency treatment in Singapore
The incident generated widespread national and international coverage and was condemned by various women's groups, both in India and abroad. Subsequently, public protests against the Govt. of India and the Govt. of Delhi for not providing adequate security for women took place in New Delhi, where thousands of protesters clashed with security forces. Similar protests took place in major cities throughout the country.
Most women live in fear of incidents like this. We feel at risk because we are. We know the statistics. By some estimates one out of four women will be the victim of sexual assault in her lifetime. Each year women report almost half a million rapes and sexual assaults, according to the most recent reports.

We live in a culture where we are taught that we have choices about our lives and that we're responsible for what happens to us. As feminist author Gloria Steinem says, "If you are beaten, you're said to have incited it, if you're raped you're said to have invited it. We all know that these things run very deep in the culture."

"From the time a child is very, very small, we're teaching that they're responsible for the things that happen in their life both positive and negative," says C.Y. Roby. "So when a rape situation occurs, usually what I see going through a victim's mind is what did I do that was wrong."

It's not only the victim who blames herself. Society is quick to blame her as well. "Even the innocence of children is questioned," says Maestas. "Often times I have sat with a police officer or a client and have heard that a four-year-old girl was responsible for seducing her perpetrator who was an adult. Now what are we saying? What we're saying is that we don't know how to take responsibility as a society. Therefore, we will continue to blame the victim."

Rape is a devastating crime. Some women are badly injured. Some become pregnant. Some contract HIV. But the emotional trauma can be worse than any physical injury. Women who are raped have nightmares, panic attacks, waves of self-doubt, an overwhelming sense of distrust. The lives of women who are raped are forever changed. Some say they will never be the same, that it’s like dying. "I know that I will never really recover from this," says Maggie. "The impact will always be with me and I will never trust the same way and I know I can't even be tested for HIV for six months. So I have to even keep that in mind. I'll never be able to get away from this."

Who is most likely to be assaulted or raped? Maestas stresses that rapists choose those who are vulnerable, which is why children and even the elderly are at risk. Her staff has worked with victims of all backgrounds and ages, including a 94-year-old woman who was raped and a three-and-a-half-week-old baby who was sexually abused. Half the victims the staff served in emergency rooms were under 14 years of age.

Locking doors and windows is an easy enough thing. A woman alone instinctively bolts the doors and windows even on a sweltering summer night. For most women, such precautions become second nature. Ask a woman what she does to protect herself and she'll tick off a list of specifics: never leaving a building without her keys in hand, looking over her shoulder in the parking lot, scanning faces on an elevator, avoiding parking terraces. Yet, despite all the precautions, women can still be at risk.

They say, women have power over me because they're beautiful and sexual and I want them and they elicit that and I feel powerless," he says. "Just listen for a minute to the way in which we describe women's beauty and sexuality. We describe it as a violence against us. She is a knock-out, a bomb-shell, dressed to kill, a femme fatale, stunning, ravishing. I mean all of these are words of violence against us. It's like, wow, she knocked me out. 

The media, biology and culture may be contributing factors, but the majority of men -- those who are the product of the same biology, the same culture -- don't rape women…!!!

Thursday 13 June, 2013

Bend it like Beckham...!!!!

Don’t know why some guys really think that a girl only knows about those cute guys like Messi, kaka or Ronaldo when it comes about football…??? 

While some yearn for Beckham & Ronaldo’s good looks, I give them kudos for their skills and incredible free kick outside the 20-yard box. While the faces of Messi, Kaka and Drogba might become household names due to branding on the side of KFC boxes, for those who love football, they are shining stars year-round for their goal scoring performances at club level. And while there are women who would swig beers and occasionally glance at the TV screen, how many go to a bar, any bar with a TV screen with the game on, solo, because it’s 90 minutes of your life you wouldn’t rather spend anywhere else? I can assure you, not many. 

So am I so eager to impress that I’m going to lie about my love for football? Do they honestly believe I want their validation so badly that I’m going to fake small talk about it? Do they truly imagine that football is the only thing I can come up with to impress them? Or that I want to impress them at all? 

Well the topic started when one of my colleague whose name is similar to one of the international player of a big fame club came up with the sentences like “I am actually/pretty surprised that you know that player..” 

Honestly speaking I have a lot of experience dealing with men who can’t fathom that a girl knows her football. I’m not saying I’m some crazy stat machine who can pump out numbers and facts from decades back (my brain doesn’t work like that), but I know my shit, I watch every game and I’m a huge fan. And since I’m a girl: I’m also helpful! (Women: we LOVE to please!) So when a guy in a sports bar throws out a question to everyone in the vicinity, if I know the answer, I give it. 

There are several reasons that men may not hear the answer they’re seeking until someone of their gender gives it to them. Perhaps they tune me out. Maybe they don’t believe I know the answer. It’s possible that they’d feel more comfortable hearing it from someone “else.” 

Even if it’s a girl holding a candle for a side, or one with a full-on blaze, fellas, there are girls out there who love football just as much as you do, and, if you’re liming in a bar watching the game, you just might bounce up one. 

Whatever the secondary reason is, the primary reason men in sports bars ignore my responses is abundantly clear: 

It’s because I’m a woman. 

I know. It’s so cliché, but ugh: it’s so true.   

Wednesday 16 January, 2013

The ‘ugly’ truth behind Matrimony sites!



I happened to spend some time with an old friend over the weekend. As we relived our college days and laughed over endless gossip, there was something very serious she had to share with me. She is 26 and like in any other household, the pressure of marriage was at its peak. When I asked her what was happening on wedding front, ‘MATRIMONY’ she said in frustration!
When her parents and nosy relatives failed to set her up with a boy, the only source left was matrimonial sites. So her parents signed her up for an online matchmaking site. ‘I was not irritated, hassled or embarrassed, even when I had to meet a guy to figure out if he was ‘my kind’, but these online portals can do nothing but make you lose faith in marriage’, she added. Wondering why? Here are the reasons.
1. Firstly, huge ads are used to show off how many people use the portal to find a soul mate. The models in the ad try to paint a picture like there can be nothing better in the world than a marriage through their site. But, yes, the only thing these models finally care about is their looks and the money they get for posing. Just not convincing enough!
2. There is a column called ‘our success couples’ which supposedly lists a bunch of couples who enjoy a successful marriage, thanks to the site (couldn’t laugh more). How do they arrive at these conclusions? And who exactly defines a successful marriage? Goof up number 2!
3. Third is the preference of caste. In the so-called process of ‘simplifying’ the groom or bride hunt, there are a zillion castes that these sites portray, enabling you to select your own and find your match in the same circle. Does that mean we will be happier if we marry within the caste or are they trying to convey they are against inter-caste marriages? They rather have professional subsections like IT, CA, Engineer than Brahmins, Punjabis and Bengalis….. Makes the hunt simpler!
4. And now, the icing on the cake! The requirements, sorry, the conditions our grooms have. Sample a few.
A.    Girl must be traditional, but outspoken. What does that mean? Is my grammar poor? Makes me wonder!
B.    Professionally qualified, not too fair, not too dark, medium height and weight, willing to move out of the city, modern and home loving! Wake up to reality men! This is for a life partner hunt, not a model for a Sunrise advertisement.
C.    Girl must be well trained in domestic responsibilities – A servant in short huh?

These are a few major highlights, bound to put off women who have registered on Matrimony sites, but YES, this is how marriage is SOLD! While this might sound like my friend is being judgmental, I’m pretty sure most women out there (at least to an extent) would happily agree to all that’s been said here.
Lastly, I am not advocating ALL marriages from Matrimony sites have similar stories, but YES there are such cases as well..


Ref. MSN She